Coal for everyone! a very Joshua Jesty Christmas

by joshua jesty

/
1.
why won't you kiss me under the missletoe for one night let the restraining order go it's a holiday tradition so don't give me no extradition hang up on the cops, put down the phone and kiss me under neath the missletoe why won't you kiss me under the missletoe I put up all these decorations while you weren't at home you might call it a break in but I just call it extreme caroling cause I'm over here singing a song of hope put down the bear mace and kiss my under the missletoe I know we've had our differences and serveral reported incidents where you accused me of being a stalker but I see on your social media that you're lonely and maybe you just need a moment to consider my missletoe offer welp you beat me to a pulp under the missletoe and after hours or searing pain I think I'd like to go do you think by chance you could call me an amublance cause the christmas mircale I now clearly see is I have a poor sense of personal boundaries so before you render me a ghost please stop kicking me under the missletoe
2.
I always feel down when christmas comes around if you feel like you don't belong here's one for you it's die hard the song yippie kay yeah mother nature yippie kay yeah father christmas may this whole next year not feel like you're in bare feet walking on glass when terrorists plot to destroy you and there's no seeming escape just the cop from family matters who shot a child that's gotta go down as the worst gift exchange when life is exploding around you and there's no real place to ground to just remember the worst of the worst fall from the highest of highs and you'll have at least a sequel of 5 so if you feel down when christmas comes around and you don't feel you belong here's one for you it's die hard the song
3.
trampled to death at a big box store holiday shopping for great deals galore consumerism isn't something you'd abhor so your trampled to death in a big box store trampled to death in a big box store reaching for that toy your kid said they'd adore but 5 minutes later they'd have thrown it on the floor that's why you're trampled to death in a big box store Christ is born unto to man but that don't sell enough to keep the rich smiling so you're sold-a-lie that there's not enough to go around and you must fight and put others down but if you really believed in what jesus showed you'd know there were enough fishes and loaves but now your trampled to deaht in a big box store there were so many causes worth dying for Marry christmas to all even those who worship wanting more and ended up trampled to death in a big box store
4.
Hey there all you girls and boys making all your anti christmas noise who's that coming down the fire place? It's Krampus come to rip off your whole face! I know ever dollar feels like a penny and consumerism isn't what it used to be but if you keep saying christmas is dumb Krampus rip your limbs off one by one now the globe outside isn't cooling and the threat of world war three is looming but since there's no place to let's go to chipotle and have a poisonous burrito hey there all you boys and girls your anti christmas spirit makes me wanna hurl if your bad attitude remains persistent Krampus gonna make trump president no darth vader NOOOOOOO so don't be terrible people
5.
It's Christmas Time Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme Clothes Jewels Videos Game one of them now that's what I call music Cds Some Therapy (a way to get out fhis capitalist hellhole known as the US) It's Christmas Time Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme A Camera, A Pony a Swatch Something that doesn't make me hate myself and some socks Christ is born in Bethlehem to show us Love Whatever give me stuff It's Christmas Time Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme Merry Christmas give me stuff Now
6.
Christmas won't be the same without you all those christmas songs you loved every year remind me that you just won't be here all those stupid presents we barely used don't mean anything if I can't give nothing to you
7.
you've all been terrible people all naughty girls and boys to busy making a cacaphony to bring about any joy I'm santa and I can tell you go and hang your stockings with care but if you expect anything nice don't you even dare yeah it's coal for everyone I'm santa and I'm watching you not in a creepy way like creepers do but the greed has gotten out of hand in this past year or two you've all been terrible people you've all been telling lies so when christmas mourn comes around it should be no big surprise that it's coal for everyone If you want better then go do better if you want better by god do better I'm santa clause and I'm watching okay that sounds creepy I admit its true but you won't be getting anywhere with your lackluster attitudes you've all been terrible people the diefication of ignorance is actually the kind of thing you all should really keep at a distance Coal for everyone If you want better then you do better
8.
some people who spend 1 hour at church a week and 3 hours on garbage news media a day are likely struggling with a false god issue.
9.

about

Christmas in 2017! Coal for everyone!

credits

released December 2, 2018

written, performed, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Joshua Jesty

Evan Wilhelms: Drums, Bass, Acoustic Guitar on "Die Hard the Song"
Ray Flanagan: Guitar solo on "homewrecking for the holidays"

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joshua jesty Cleveland

Joshua Jesty is a professional starving artist based out of Cleveland Ohio. He has been making music that people have been getting eargasms from since 1998.

now a days he dances salsa, kicks doctors, and makes tons of pop and un-pop music.

His latest release is "...you will be forgotten". he lives with no regrets but many tacos in a physical house.

"songs about death disguised as love songs"
... more

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